My daughter has a pet hamster. Which suggests I’ve a pet hamster. She is a cute little dwarf hamster, an ideal pet, comparatively straightforward to take care of, not an excessive amount of poop and pee, and did I point out she’s actually cute? She eats nuts, which is nice, as a result of I hear nuts are good for you, so every time I put some almond slivers in her cage, I’ve some, too. She is docile and straightforward to deal with, and she or he doesn’t run away if you choose her up. Her cage is throughout the room from my desk, and I can hear and see her whereas I’m working. She’s tremendous cute. We used to have an ideal relationship.
A Modified Relationship
I say “used to” as a result of, finally, issues modified. I used to get pleasure from taking her out of her cage and holding her, petting her, or placing her on my desk whereas I used to be working. However then one time I went to take her out of her cage and she or he bit me. Not a powerful chunk, not practically arduous sufficient to attract blood, however sufficient of a nip to make me yank my hand away. It stunned me greater than it harm. And although it didn’t actually harm that a lot, it was sufficient to make me rethink taking her out and cuddling along with her. I simply closed the cage, talked to her just a little, after which went again to work. It didn’t seem to be an enormous deal on the time, however issues had modified between us.
The subsequent day, as I sat at my desk, I appeared over on the cute little hamster who was sitting in her cage trying again at me. I thought of taking her out and taking part in along with her, however then I remembered the chunk she gave me and had second ideas. You see, I’ve an aversion to animals biting me. In reality, it took me a few days to construct up the need to attempt once more. However this time I used to be ready. I made a decision I wasn’t going to flinch. I might let her take just a little nip at my thumb, attempt to not react, and let her heat as much as me. Perhaps this was a part of her course of, a fast second of self-defense, after which a elimination of defenses so we might cuddle once more. I used to be going to be the larger mammal.
So, I put my hand in her cage, let her sniff my fingers, and, after a second of pawing and sniffing, she nipped me. I didn’t flinch, although. I used to be fairly happy with myself, too. I used to be pleased with the method, and about to choose her up, when she bit me. And this time it was positively a chunk. It harm. It drew just a little blood. And this time I yelped in ache and yanked my hand away. I may need even yelled one thing like “Unhealthy hamster!”
I sprayed some Bactine on it, placed on a bandage, and went again to my desk. I used to be nonetheless fairly mad, and appeared over to see this cute little hamster trying again at me, harmless and pure, like she didn’t do something improper. However had she achieved one thing improper? Or had she simply achieved one thing hamster-ish? Both method, there was a rupture in our relationship. Issues had modified between me and my hamster.
I wasn’t fairly prepared to surrender on her, although, so I did some research and located that dwarf hamsters, after not having been dealt with shortly, will generally begin to chunk like this. Apparently, it’s a standard prevalence. The extra time that elapses between loving moments of being picked up and held, the extra seemingly they’re to chunk. It may take a while for them to get used to being dealt with once more after a while not being dealt with. The hamster proprietor simply must be affected person and let the hamster heat up once more. That made sense. Nonetheless, I used to be nonetheless harm, and I didn’t wish to give her an opportunity to heat up once more. Did she actually deserve it? Right here I’m, simply making an attempt to like her, and she or he hurts me. I resented her.
This made me notice my relationship with my hamster mimicked what a lot of our romantic relationships are like. Many people “chunk” our companions once they attain out to us, driving them away and leaving us alone, trying cute whereas we stuff our cheeks with almond slivers. I do know my hamster needs to be picked up and cuddled, to be cherished, however her intuition is to guard herself by biting.
Being Susceptible
Many individuals in relationships have deep emotions of worry or disgrace or another robust feelings that they’ve a tough time being weak with. What does this imply, to be weak? It means to share your deepest feelings and fears. To disclose your true self to your associate in a method that brings you nearer collectively. On a aware degree, we would like love, we would like our associate to achieve into our cage and take us out and cuddle with us. On a unconscious degree, we would really feel like we don’t deserve this love, that we’re not value it, and this sense is expressed as anger in response to the love we’re proven, and, subsequently, we chunk. We chunk to ascertain far between us and our companions, so we don’t should confront the disgrace or worry or different robust feelings that bubble up after we get actually near somebody and begin to reveal our true selves in a weak method.
How did I react to my hamster biting me? I acquired offended and eliminated myself from interacting along with her. However did the hamster really need this? I don’t suppose she did. She continues to take a look at me from her cage with what I now take into account a glance of longing, however I’m afraid if I interact along with her she’ll chunk me. So now I don’t cuddle along with her. I feed her, change her cage, and do all of the issues I often do to proceed our relationship, however we’re not as shut as we could possibly be. So, our relationship has reached a stopping level. We are able to’t develop any nearer now. She’s defending herself, and I’ve realized to not attain out to her within the methods I had prior to now.
Does this dynamic appear acquainted? I believe it’s extra widespread than folks notice. It’s so arduous to be weak with the deep-rooted feelings that we’ve realized to guard in any respect prices over the course of our lives. Then alongside come romantic companions who need nothing greater than to like us for who we actually are. And that’s what we would like, proper? I might say sure. The hamster-related irony right here is that one other a part of us says no, and bites. In case you can relate to this course of, take into consideration the way you chunk and why you chunk. Or how your associate bites and why they chunk. Relationships generally contain extra biting than cuddling, whether or not we’re speaking about people or hamsters!
Replace: Mel (the hamster) and I’ve made up, and she or he is letting me maintain her once more with out biting me!
